Amara’s Birth Story
January 13, 2019, was the day I became a mother. It’s the day my beautiful little girl- Amara Elise- was born. It’s the day I had waited for 10 months for; a total of 42, yes 42- weeks! It was one of the best days of my life, but to provide a little backstory….
The Pregnancy
My husband and I got pregnant with our daughter quite unexpectedly, and at a very difficult time for us financially. My husband had lost his job less than two months prior to that, and I had just gotten a job around the same time that left much to be desired as far as pay. Let’s just say, we were broke. We were struggling to figure out how we would pay rent and afford groceries each month, so having a child was the last thing we were planning on. To make matters more complicated, we were told by my OBGYN at the time that the pregnancy would likely not be viable at the beginning as well because we weren’t able to hear my daughter’s heartbeat until close to the second trimester. Thankfully, we eventually did around 11 weeks and we were able to proceed with the pregnancy.
Throughout the first half of my pregnancy, I just didn’t feel comfortable with the way my OBGYN was handling things and how the hospital system structured labor and delivery. The final straw was when she told me it would be nearly impossible for me to have a natural childbirth and it would likely be a difficult birth since I was already considered high-risk (though she didn’t really explain why I was high-risk). I was already on the fence about a hospital birth and open to other options, but once she told me that, I left and never went back. From then on, I was determined to prove her wrong and find a way to have a natural childbirth, OUTSIDE of the hospital.
Through my research, I discovered a local birth center that accepted my insurance and was much more aligned with my vision of childbirth. The midwives there supported my desire for a natural birth, didn’t rush through my questions, took the time to explain things to me, educated me further on how my body was designed for pregnancy and childbirth, and led me to some resources to help me during both. They also provided information about gestational diabetes that was helpful and provided clarity with that diagnosis. Along with the midwives and birth center, I also discovered a hypnobirthing program called Hypnobabies that was instrumental in helping me have an easier pregnancy and comfortable natural birth as well.
I was quite skeptical at first, but I learned that Hypnobabies teaches you how to use hypnosis to have a relaxing and comfortable childbirth experience. It’s not like something from a magic show (I know this is how it sounds), but it’s more like the deep focus or relaxation that we use during daily tasks that are very familiar or easy to us. Think driving home from work or the grocery store without having to think about it, or watching an interesting TV show.
I liked that the Hypnobabies program didn’t just teach about hypnosis and childbirth, but also had an educational component. Their holistic approach really resonated with me. I felt that it wasn’t just focused on symptom management like what I experienced with my previous OBGYN and the traditional medical model approach to childbirth. The Hypnobabies program taught me about more pregnancy including nutrition, re-shaping your mindset around childbirth, and how to prevent additional pregnancy and childbirth complications.
I talk more about the benefits of Hypnobabies in my blog post How to have a comfortable and unmedicated childbirth.
With the help of my midwives and the Hypnobabies wholistic education program, I was able to manage my gestational diabetes effectively and have a healthy remainder of my pregnancy and comfortable childbirth. I was able to do all of this despite some less-than-favorable circumstances, which I’ll describe in more detail below.
Leading up to D-Day:
Let’s fast forward to the end of my pregnancy. I can remember thinking after my 37 week appointment that I might go into labor early because I was almost three centimeters dilated. Ha! Wrong!. I spent the next week frantically packing my hospital bag and prepping everything at home.
By week 39, I had started having contractions (henceforth referred to as pressure waves as they’re know in the Hypnobabies world) inconsistently for a couple hours at a time, but with no real progression. I began doing everything I could to try to induce labor naturally; from ‘labor cookies’ to taking multiple walks a day, to doing a caster oil induction-without any success. This went on until about 41 weeks. It was then that my midwife started talking me through my options and the potential need for a hospital birth, as opposed to giving birth at the birthing center as planned*.
*At the time, by law in Texas, you could not go past 42 weeks pregnant outside of a hospital.
A couple of days before I was 42 weeks pregnant, my midwives and I made a plan to go to the hospital so that I could be induced. Initially, I was frustrated and sad that I hadn’t been able to go into labor naturally, but I accepted the plan wholeheartedly because by that point, I was just ready to have my baby and not be pregnant anymore.
D-Day:
We checked into the hospital on Sunday, January 13th at around noon. From the start, I let the doctor that was on call know about my birth plan. I told her that I wanted to have a natural childbirth with as little medical intervention as possible, and that I was using the Hypnobabies program to help me have a comfortable and calming birth. She indicated that she had 4 children and had experienced a natural childbirth that didn’t go well. Suffice to say, she let that influence the remainder of her interactions with me, my husband, my mother, and my midwife. This penchant for a negative outlook on natural birth paired with her generally abrasive disposition unfortunately put a damper on our entire experience at the hospital 😫
Shortly after, I got settled into my room and met my nurse. She set up the baby monitor around my stomach, put in the IV, and started the Pitocin. I spent the next hour or so listening to my Hypnobabies music with prompts to help me get comfortable and relaxed.
After about an hour and a half with minimal progression, the Pitocin was increased another level, and eventually increased again. Each time, the doctor would come in and make some comment about a c-section or grab my foot to rouse me from my hypnotic relaxation (both of which I had asked her not to do).
After the third time increasing the Pitocin, I had only went from about 4 centimeters dilated to 5, so the doctor broke my waters to see if that would help move things along more quickly. Thankfully it did, and despite multiple instances of her using my blood pressure or lack of progression as a scare tactic, I was able to dilate further without the need for a c-section AND without pain!
Shortly after my waters broke, the pressure waves were not painful, but began to increase in intensity. The Hypnobabies program teaches you techniques that you can use to go in and out of hypnosis so that you can handle the pressure waves and then go back to having regular conversations and interacting. At this point, however, I was predominantly in hypnosis because the waves were intensifying and getting closer together. I kept having the odd sensation that I needed to go to the bathroom. I remembered having my husband help me run back and forth to the bathroom, and after about the third time, my midwife said ‘I think you’re transitioning.’
Immediately after, and almost instinctually, I got on the hospital bed on my knees and leaned my arms against the elevated head of the bed. The nurse came in and checked me in this pelvis down position and told me I was ready to push. ‘I can see her hair!’ my midwife exclaimed. I began bearing down with each new pressure wave.
The nurse stated that she had to inform the doctor so that she could be present for the birth. Unfortunately, when the doctor came in and saw me pushing in the pelvis down position, she about had a conniption! I just remember hearing her from behind me saying that this was unacceptable and she had never had a birth happen like this in all the years she had practiced. Though my husband and midwife tried to advocate that this was a safe position (very common in other countries with lower maternal mortality rates in fact, but I digress) and noting that I was already pushing, the doctor stated that she was uncomfortable with me giving birth in this position. She proceeded to insist that at the next pressure wave, I turn around on my back.
Funny side note: When my husband recounted this to me later, he told me that he actually got infuriated with the doctor after this and it showed physically; so much so that my midwife pulled him aside and told him to calm down and reminded him that if he laid hands on the doctor, he would go to jail and miss the birth of his daughter. He said he was incredibly thankful that she did this because he’d never come so close to hitting a woman in his life 😂
Once I turned around, I was completely disoriented! I had been in hypnosis and just so focused on giving birth that I didn’t fully realize what was happening. Adding to this confusion was the fact that the doctor had brought in several resident students to watch my ‘interesting birth’ as she called it, despite the fact I had specifically asked for no residents to be present. This disorientation extended to my daughter, as once I was on my back, she went back up into my pelvis! I began tensing up and panicking amid all of the commotion, when my wonderful nurse grabbed my knees and encouraged me to block out all of the noise and distractions and just focus on birthing my baby.
After this pep talk, I was able to re-gain some control and started to push again at the next pressure wave. It was no longer just intensity though, I was feeling pain as well since I was no longer in my deep hypnosis state. There were points where I was resisting and not pushing as hard because of the pain as well. With the help and encouragement of my birth team, I pushed for about 30 minutes and my daughter-Amara Elise- was born at 9:23 pm on that Sunday night.
Amara Elise- 6 lbs 9 oz, 20 inches
About Her Name
Funny enough, for the first day and a half, we didn’t have an official name for our daughter. When we were pregnant with her, we decided to wait until we saw her to name her. We decided on her middle name- Elise- and had a few top choices for names that we liked including, Olivia, Quinn, and Amara. Once she came out, she didn’t cry right away, she just looked ticked off that we had disturbed her 😂 We knew then that she would be a little sassy pants, and the names Olivia and Quinn seemed a little too sweet, so Amara it was! We waited that first day to make sure we were sure, but as we got to see her personality, we knew she was Amara.
Despite all of the commotion and aggravation getting there, I am so thankful for my experience and all that it has taught me. I’m grateful for my husband and those who supported me throughout my pregnancy and birth, and for all that I learned during it. Even though it took some time for me to be able to say this, I’m grateful for all of it- the good and the bad- because it has helped make me the mother I am today.
I was able to have a- mostly- pain-free and medication-free childbirth, without major complications or the need for a c-section, post-term AND in the hospital! I think it’s safe to say, I’ve earned my stripes! I’ve learned and grown and witnessed God’s faithfulness through it all.
So if you’re pregnant or planning to become pregnant soon, know that things may not go according to plan, but with God and help and support from others, you can get through it and become the mother that you were destined to be.